I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im part way to drunk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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