he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize