Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
