don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
