Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
