I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
