please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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