yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
