I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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