How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He has the fingertips of a God
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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