Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
