Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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