I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
