we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
