her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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