tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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