Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
