So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
