Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
