I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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