I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
