fuck your aforementioned shoe
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
