Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
