i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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