and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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