It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
