I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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