its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize