I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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