Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize