I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize