Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
