Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
