I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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