You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
