ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
