my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
