That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
