I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize