All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
