He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
