I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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