I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
