another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
