Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
