Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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