i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
