I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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