i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
