so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
