i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
tell me about the eggs
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