Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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