covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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