i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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