i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
