If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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