Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
