The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
