the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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