hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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