fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize