wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
