he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
