My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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