Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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