That reminds me...we need to get swords
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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