I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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