actually, I'm a sock model
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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