Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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