Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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