he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
