fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wear drunk well.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
