I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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