just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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