11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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