Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
