I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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