hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
