Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
