just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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