idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
