I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
