Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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