Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
