My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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