I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize