Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
