I think I died a long time ago.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
