She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
