yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
