thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
P.S. I can't hear my feet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How does one acquire holy water?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
