I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
