I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
