oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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