Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
