So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
