he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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