i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
