I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Boobs speak an international language.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
