If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
