I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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