I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
