One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
