quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
