I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
