How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
